Mission: Apostolic Leadership

Growing up in a family of strong church leaders, I always knew I was born for a mission. I remember being 14 and beginning to really explore faith for myself, participating in local young people’s fellowships. Those days of discipling and growing with other incredible believers became such a foundation that I will forever look back on.

Apostolic Community

I recall sunday nights worshipping together. I cherished moments sat in candlelight, praying for Gods heart to fall. I still celebrate the ways in which we equipped one another and saw God bear fruit in our lives.

At 14 I discovered that church was not a service on a sunday. My church was a group of 14-18 year olds who did life together, played music and wrote songs together, or drove the stressed GCSE kids to mcdonalds after school together…

Jesus lived in community with his disciples. He encouraged them. He sacrificed himself for them. He became family and expressed his heart for his disciples. That was his mission.

I always thank God for those sweet years of faith building. I thank God for The Apple Tree, for Amy, Jordan, Alice, Mark S, Mark T, Chloe, Ruthie, Mat, Jessie, Steve and co… God captured our hearts and revealed the mystery of his character to us. And we saw fruit.

World Changer

During my later school years God started to speak. He began to call me out. He spoke words about changing the world, being a female leader in the church, bringing light to those who didnt know him. As a group collectively we had a huge heart for mission and a huge heart for worship. They went hand in hand. 

That Night Under the Net

And then God eventually called me to leave this family of hearts. I found myself stepping out into the unknown. God clearly spoke and told me to go and live in Guinea. I’ve already written about that season of my life but essentially, I found myself sat in my mosquito net fully surrendering and saying, ‘God I’ve left everything. I’ve come this far. I dont want to cave now. You are calling me to lead your church and I want to have the obedience to go.’

That was a powerful night. And a huge surrender.

Ever since then I have been mistakenly convinced. I came back convinced that God was calling me to leave the UK one day. I genuinely thought that I was only studying architecture to get a Visa and head overseas…


I’m not saying that God will never lead me out of the UK again. What I am saying is that actually, your annointing is not necessarily to be a white missionary or a vicar or a nice charity worker.

There is so much more.

I’ve grown up a pastor’s kid. I’m incredibly fortunate to have seen church leadership manifest in different forms. I’m so blessed to be surrounded by people who constantly affirm me and tell me I’d be great if I followed in my Dads footsteps one day.

I left home convinced I’d one day give up my day job and go into ‘ministry.’ Yet I couldn’t desire anything worse.

This year, moving to a brand new place I’ve learnt an incredible amount. God has gradually stripped me of things. He’s revealed new desires and new passions to. 

Here and Now

Just this week, I found myself giving up plans. I always thought I was heading to a life on the ‘mission field.’ But when I met with a charity network about interning (it’s been my plan since I left Guinea) I realised that my heart wasnt in it. I just wasnt made for it.

This illustrates my point. All year long I’ve been wanting more ‘ministry’ or better gifting… The only thing I have discovered is that the here and now is a mission field.

Gods kingdom is so full. Heaven will see business, finance, architecture, art, music, childcare… people will write books and invent new software. Engineers will invent infrastructure and farmers will cultivate land.

In the same way, God is needed in every field. He has opened my eyes to see just how broken the uk is. My calling to change culture and change the world applies to this nation too and I stand convicted.  My heart heavily cries out for those in the every day. 

Pretty Basic

I dont work for the church. I’m not in a 3rd world country. I go to uni everyday, work on projects, eat lunch with friends, go home, cook, live alongside housemates, sleep… I live a pretty basic life. But in it, there is such blessing. 

In all of it I live set apart, desiring to bring kingdom culture. I desire and pray to bring light and peace to those who need it. I desire to bless in the small and lead those around me to first of all understand the mystery of love hoping that one day they will encounter Jesus and be equipped themselves to bring heaven to earth.

My Vision

If you asked me a year ago what my future looked like I would have halfheartedly mumbled about becoming a missionary. Now I much more excitedly declare that I dont know – but I do know that right now I’m here where I’m supposed to be.

My vision is to go back to that 14 year old community of worship, prayer and earnest seeking. To revive those young visions to change the world. And to step into that daily, adding to numbers as we do so. The apostles in the bible did just this. There was no ‘missionary or ‘ministry career.’ Just believers living together and being set apart – and god added to their number daily.

Live out faith where you are. Bring his kingdom in the everyday. God has called you to it.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Acts 2:42‭-‬47 NIV

Crazy Love

His crazy love has stolen my heart.

God is so faithful. He is forever. He is our saviour.

He is also our most intimate soulmate.


I want to share part of my latest journey on here with you. I believe there are lessons to learn in every season. The latest season was a beautiful one and I hope it encourages you to know just how loved you are.

I moved back to university in July (two months early), really believing that God was calling me to make the city my home. In January when I felt this nudge I had no idea what that looked like and pushed it to the back of my mind. In May I was offered a two month placement in the city working for an architectural firm and instantly I knew this was it.

July comes and I find myself starting work, with nowhere to live. Amazingly, it turned out that a couple at church were away and needing a dog sitter to stay up until my current house contract started. Perfect!

Starting a new job is one thing. Fast forward a week though, and I soon discovered that moving house, starting a new job and living alone is a struggle. I’d wake up, go to work, come home, unpack stuff, attempt to understand the world of bills, cook some food… It was hectic!

However, in all of it God was there and He kept speaking, ‘Be Still,’ and, ‘my timing is perfect.’

Perfect Timing

Things just happened. Work got easier. Bills started to come through. The house and broken hoover eventually (the hoover took 2.5 months… ) got put straight. Church family shared meals with me. My own family came to visit. Housemates would visit and bless me.

But I had to give up control. I had to surrender routine. Each of these things came in unexpected ways or forced me to change plans. If I had a night in planned, suddenly someone would just turn up and be there. At times plans would be cancelled and I’d end up fitting in a long run or a movie instead.

The greatest struggle was yet to come.


Initially there was a buzz of activity. Family would come to drop off stuff, bills kept me occupied and my best friend Zara came back to do life with me. However this all faded away. I got settled. Routine settled in again. Zara had to go back home for a bit…

For the first time in my life I was living completely on my own. Hello 97% extrovert problems! I’d wake up, go to work, come home at 4:30 and just be on my own. At weekends there wasn’t really anyone to hang out with. What the heck was I going to do? Obviously I was spending time with God but man, I needed people.

I got so sick of being on my own. It just wasn’t fun. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to chat. I had no-one to hug me and ask me how my day went as I walked through the door. All I wanted was to have a huge dance party but there was no-one to do that with.

In this time I realised just how insecure I was. Suddenly I couldn’t run to people for a quick fix of happiness or love.


That’s when I realised. God doesn’t want me to be alone. But he does want to be my first love and he was using this time to show me the beautiful friendship that we could have.

I remember sitting on the floor in my empty five bedroom house, just waiting and saying, ‘God will you just come and show me how deep our relationship can be.’

Did I have some huge revelation or dream? Nope. Instead a crazy stupid annoying song that I’ve always hated came into my mind and would not leave. Eventually I felt the Holy Spirit just nudge me and say, ‘put it on and listen to it…’

Crazy Love

It took me five times of listening to finally let go and just dance to it. I can’t even explain how freeing this is and I just erupted in laughter and joy at how ridiculous yet beautiful this crazy moment was.

I could have dance parties with Jesus.

The following month was incredible. I surrendered it all. I stopped trying to book in ‘social time’ and just spent time with Jesus: listening to love songs, reading scripture, cooking with him, talking out loud with him, making coffee together, telling jokes, laughing. I can’t quite explain it but it was such a time of deepened relationship with God. And he started to speak his love back to me too.

You have captured my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your neck.

How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride. Your love is much better than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than all spices.

Song of Songs 4:9-10

Like a Bride and Groom

God wants to be my husband, my best friend, my brother and my true love. As I started to pursue him only and draw back to him, he started to draw people in and out of my life in perfect timing.

Friends spontaneously came to stay, money was provided to visit one of the Guinea Girls, relationships at work deepened, church family invited me for dinner… I made no plans but each day someone would just be right there at the right time.

In all of it I encountered such a deep, unchanging, intimate love. My heart was so complete and no longer searching for people to share it with. I was sharing it with Jesus. At the end of everyday I would go to bed so secure, held in the arms of his wonderful embrace.

Fast-forward: Chaotic Crazy Relational Love

Now everyone’s moved in. The house is full and so is my heart. University is under way and to be honest it’s all a little chaotic. But still God is there. As I surrender my routines, my heart and my time He is faithful in orchestrating it all. If we rest in his unfailing, rich, wide love, he will bring the chaos back into a perfect order.

God loves you so incredibly and we fall in love with him in new ways every day. Let him come and be your one true love.

This week I’ve hugged Jesus on the early morning bus ride, we’ve run along the river together, we’ve laughed through crazy amounts of studio work, we’ve cried together about issues in this world. Together we hung out with friends and danced our socks off to Taylor Swift at home with the girls. Other times we’ve been alone just the two of us.

God’s love is not just a Fatherly love. It’s a relational, all encompassing love that is better than life! Ask him to take you deeper – and enjoy the adventure of discovery!

Struggle to Satisfy

Does anyone ever struggle to make all of their passions compatible? Perhaps, as if each of your interests or desires are buckets of water filling and about to overflow. You dash to one just in time, to pour it down the sink but suddenly realise another is about to go, reaching it just in time.

struggle to satisfy

I have always had a ridiculous amount of hobbies or interests. In all of them I genuinely find happiness. I love to paint and find it a space for reflection. For hours I can sit and create a detailed portrait. Photography and blogging has a similar effect.

Running and cycling excites me. Playing my violin is a skill I’ve been honing since 7 years old. Studying architecture is enriching. Guitar sessions are a regular pass time. Languages are my forte.

Raw Realisation

An old friend once remarked about how I reminded her of Repunzel in the film Tangled. At the beginning of the film she sings, “When Will My Life Begin,” ungratefully reeling off all these activities she does, whilst feeling so disappointed and unsatisfied. I don’t really know how to react to that comment… Its was harsh – but true.

When you have such a diverse range of interests it’s incredibly difficult to juggle them. Sometimes it’s even overwhelming. As life goes on I find I have to prioritise and choose much more. I don’t really read books anymore, I haven’t spoken Spanish in two years and my violin has been in it’s case for two weeks. My heart genuinely feels a little crushed to admit that – have the 13 years of learning been a waste?

I have recently had time to get the paints out again but I know that this will have to pass soon and regardless, I don’t paint as much as I used to.


My life is literally so full. Full of friendships, hobbies, interests, travels, stresses, joys… But none of this satisfies. Every day I struggle to balance the desires of my heart with the tug of this world. I get distracted by other things or just simply don’t have time to fit everything in. And my human, crazy ‘Repunzel’ heart just keeps yearning for more temporary happiness or worth.

But that’s just it. Nothing in this world can satisfy. No amount of stuff will ever make me feel worthy. It doesn’t matter how much I do, I will never feel good enough. No matter how much I clutch onto, I will always feel wasted.

Except there is one place where I feel fulfilled. There is one thing that satisfies. There is one expression that I could pour out forever, without wishing to move or give a half-hearted attention to.

True Treasure

Jesus is my one true love. In Jesus I have found eternal joy, different to the quick spurts of happiness that I find in other stuff. In Jesus I can rest assured knowing that all things are an expression of praise, for He made me with all of my passions. In Jesus I know that nothing is wasted. Seasons come and go. What I did is still worthy and never wasted when I have to give it up. 

In Jesus I have a hope and future. Whenever I feel like I’m being pulled out and stretched across about fifty different corners, there is an inexplainable peace. This peace reminds me that eternity is before me. It reminds me that I have all that I could ever need and that I have great significance. 

Jesus will never run dry or disappoint. 

Nothing lasts forever. We can’t store up earthly treasures. But we can store up treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy. 


I was given two beautiful years of studying art and Spanish. I may not do either now, but it was wonderful in its time and Jesus will bring joy in other areas. Who’s to say there won’t be another season of this in the future?

When God grants time to sit and paint, I sing! And when I don’t quite manage to get out on that bike ride, I count my blessings and trust that Jesus gives only what is best – sometimes that is rest or a day in the office. 

But in all things, I continue to take captive every thought and feeling that sets itself up against the true joy in Jesus, and demolish all arguments that say I am worthless or a waste or simply without. I turn to Jesus – the only one who can truly satisfy. And here I sit, filled with eternal joy. 

Run to Jesus. Let him pull out each of your gifts and desires as He so chooses. Remain in him, the way, the truth and the life. He came so that we may have life and have it to the full. 

Gracious Goodness

There is so much goodness in this world. 

With a thankful heart we can enjoy so much. With gratitude we can celebrate good news, new horizons and moments of laughter. We all want it – heaps of happiness. 

Why is it that our instinct is to feel shame for the wealth that we have?



In recent years I have been incredibly fortunate to be in a wealthy situation both finacially and physically. So many abundant blessings are being poured out and I am so incredibly thankful. Yet, in all of this goodness, often sits a shameful lie telling me that I don’t deserve it; an awareness that others dont share the same wealth often leaves me feeling guilty. 

When I hear and read about God’s goodness I cannot deny how abundant his blessings are. But I also have this idea that wealth and rich abundance is taboo. 

When I was a teenager, the idea that living for God did not mean a high paid job or a perfect health or owning your own home was imprinted. Yes, we believe that living for God is not easy and what we do have we should share and not store up. However, I really cannot support this idea that denying ourselves of goodness is biblically healthy. 

Still Learning

This year I have discovered how much I live under the shame blanket of ‘I dont deserve it.’ I wanted to honour God in my budgeting, my serving and my health. I fell far from this and found I was actually just denying myself.

I remember my family coming to visit me in February and my Dad just showered me with goodness. He took me for dinner, drove me around places, fixed my bike, bought me all the essentials I’d not bought in so long. When I did a food shop, my mum filled my basket way more than I usually did… They spent time with me and cared for me like a child. 

When they left, I suddenly became so overwhelmed by just how abundantly they had loved. There was this small and still voice that said, “let me love you unconditionally and shower my goodness over you just like your earthly father does.” God used my parents to speak the truth – I was to live freely under God’s blessings and provision. 

The story behind Japan

If you have been following me on Instagram, you will know that I have been in Japan. Again, this is another moment of realising just how good God is.

Back in December I returned home after a long first semester. I had this dream to travel somewhere in the Summer and an application for a travel bursary was made available to me. The likeliness of winning this bursary is pretty low – only 2 are given out.

Applying on a complete whim, the application was a chance to simply research another country. Soon I was falling in love with Japan and had to completely surrender this dream. I prayed, ‘Lord if you want to send me to Japan, then may this bursary be won. But if not, then I thank you for all the travel I’ve already done and for the summer plans you have for me instead.”

2 months later I’d completely forgotten about it all… The day after my parents left in February, I opened an email that told me I’d been one of the two winners. What?!

After the initial excitement, all this anxiety and shame hit. A) I had to travel to Japan alone, B) I really didn’t deserve it and it just didn’t seem fair that others couldn’t share in the same goodness.

If that wasn’t abundant enough, later that week my parents also told me that they were planning to take me and my brothers to Canada. Now come on – this is too much! I was so guilty that I actually put my foot down and said no to going to Canada. I was hands down ready to deny myself that trip even though my Dad and I had always dreamed of going there together. 

All of this is just crazy. All of this is wealth. All of this is God’s provision. 

Stubbornness and truth

I have spent months refusing to accept that God actually just wants to give these blessings to me. Two days before I left for Japan I was sat reading my bible and suddenly God just really spoke to me. He reminded me of the words he’d spoken in February. Again there was his voice that just said, “this next season is for you to enjoy. My grace is abundant and my goodness is for you – just flipping accept it!!”

Refusing to accept it and making wealth a taboo topic is not living out the grace that we profess. I’m not saying we should idolise wealth or store it up. But, when we are in a position of wealth (financially, emotionally, physically…) we should use that to worship God. We should share our wealth with others, but also not deny ourselves or give all of it away. When God blesses us abundantly this is to be accepted with humility and thankfulness, not boasting and bragging in ourselves and what we have, but boasting in God’s crazily abundant and unconditional blessings.  

Nourished in gracious goodness

We can only live a nourished life if we ourselves are nourished in God’s goodness. Timothy was instructed by Paul to reject the false teaching that called the church to deny themselves goodness.

“They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.  If you point these things out to the brothers and sisters, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, nourished on the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed. 
1 Timothy 4:3‭-‬6 NIV 

Behind the scenes, this year has been incredibly hard. Yet parallel to the struggle have been so many abundant and miraculous blessings both small and large. All of this must be received – the good as well as the bad. And in all of it I continually choose to praise God who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. 

God’s goodness is so rich. Recieve it.

Purpose? Are we created for a single calling in life?

We all have a purpose in life. Yes, it’s a single, clearly defined purpose fit to us as unique individuals. However, it manifests itself in different ways in each season of our lives.

Purposefully Rejoicing

For example, I would say that my one true purpose is to rejoice. I live to worship God. By this I mean to express joy in everything and in every situation allowing that joy to not only be a light to others, but a thankful expression of how amazing God is. I’d say that my purpose is to declare the unconditional, unimaginable, incredible love that I believe God has for every one of us.

This has looked so different in various seasons:

As a teenager, it looked like learning to play musical instruments, write songs and paint. Through creativity I expressed joy.

In 2017, I found that by training to run, I was honouring God for strengthening my body and committing to giving 100% effort to use that body.

Last year, rejoicing looked like dancing crazily with children who experience abuse at home or struggle to focus in school. It was watching a lady smile as she tried on her first ever pair of glasses.

Recently, expressing joy has looked like fighting battles. Sacrificing so much time to studies and persevering through moments of crippling anxiety has had such purpose because I have learnt what it is to be thankful and sing in the midst of a storm. I have spent a year prioritising community living in a wonderful flat and my purpose to express the love and light of God motivated me to cook them dinner, be radically generous, pray for them throughout the year and just spend time doing life together. 

‘I don’t feel like I have a purpose’

It can be so easy to worry that our lives don’t have a purpose. Often we only see the purpose when we look back. I know I also find that I grieve the last season thinking, ‘I had so much purpose,’ or, ‘I never get chance to do that anymore.’ But I have to trust that I still have the same purpose – it just looks different!

In fact, this year the phrase, “I will put a new song in your heart” has been on my mind. It speaks hope to me and it also excites me – my life will change and look different but in it I can always find something to sing about because God is all good and all loving! Dreams keep coming true, strength increases when times are hard and I can laugh at the days to come because at the end of the day, whatever the future holds, I know that I will still be me. And me, is all that I ever have to be!

Moulded for a specific purpose

In the bible, it talks about how God is a potter. He takes a lump of clay and he moulds it into something. Some lumps he will mould into common, practical dinner plates whilst others he may mould into beautiful display vases. It also affirms that God is a completely fair God and highlights that our purpose in life is to display God’s power in us. We may be an incredible noble-peace-prize winner, or maybe we will just be the local (incredibly important) caretaker.

We all have different skills, passions, personalities… These were all predestined and created in us. These things show God’s power of creating! You are a unique, beautifully crafted person and your purpose is to express that to the full. For now, that may look like studying and training an intelligent brain. In the future perhaps it’s to travel and become so thankful for this awesome world set before us. One day it could simply just be raising a child to know that they are loved and valued, or practising a sport. 

“Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

The Truth

You are a beautiful, worthy human being and your life has so much purpose! Your mind, emotions and dreams are all so intricately detailed. Every single season of your life has a purpose.

Start believing it. Start living it.

Washed: Weighted Love


If Jesus was God and about to leave the world, surely He would depart with a huge speech or teaching. If you are about to leave your friends forever wouldn’t you enjoy a huge feast and celebrate all the memories?

Jesus knew that a cruel murder awaited him. He sits down with the twelve disciples for one last meal. These men are his brothers – He loved them until the end.

Yet in the last moments, there is no big speech. He doesn’t leave them with a good memory, a blessing or one last sermon. Jesus doesn’t expect anyone to thank him for all the miracles and the teaching, nor does He wait for everyone to worship him.

Instead Jesus takes off the clothes that He is wearing. Dressed in nothing but a towel this man gets up from the table…


Honour and shame culture comes into play here. Interestingly, there is a huge amount of pride in appearance in the honour and shame world; if you look smart, you are honourable. It is incredibly shameful to be seen wearing your working clothes out of context.

This story reminds me of our house helper in Guinea. There too, honour and shame culture determines the way of life. It was custom for our Nene to walk to our house dressed in her finest clothes. Only once she arrived and the gates of the compound closed would she change into clothes worthy of dirty housework.

In the same way, we see Jesus physically step out of his dinner clothes and put on the scrubs of a servant. He culturally emphasises that He is ready to serve. God takes on the appearance of a houseworker. This requires so much humility.

Jesus then starts to wash his disciples’ feet.

In many hot arid climates, dust sits everywhere. It gets in your shoes, on your clothes and even in your ears. Orange clay coats the whole house which must be cleaned daily. The journey to this meal will definitely have resulted in orange, filthy, smelly feet.

Just imagine it:

Jesus hauls a heavy water jar. He uses all his strength to pour out some of this water into a basin. Then, bending his knees, He picks up the weighty basin and carries it to the first of his friends. Setting it down, this teacher begins to scrub at the orange, thick dust. A clay-like coating clings to Jesus’ hands as He carefully cleanses. Taking the foot, He dries it on the towel that He is wearing, inevitably wiping away the remaining residue.

With a towel stained orange and damp, He picks up the basin and moves along to the next.

Weighted Love

There is just so much love in this. I remember daily cleaning my feet in Guinea. Each night before bed I would begin the ritual cleansing in order to be clean and ready for rest. This dirty chore was a symbol of arriving home and preparing to stay put for a little while.

“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you should also wash one another’s feet.”

Jesus was a teacher. He clearly taught us to act no greater than anyone else. Leaving earth, Jesus’ final lesson was no rulebook. The truth He left behind was this: Blessed is the one who washes another person’s feet for no master is greater than his servant.

Jesus came to serve us. This Lord is one who lifts weights, takes our dirt and carries it upon himself. He welcomes us into a clean, warm home where we can stay put forever. Blessed is Jesus for his compassion and mercy.

Blessed are those who say yes to this free gift of love. Then, out of this love, blessed are those who live out such an example of humility, revealing the love of Jesus to others.

Jesus – Just About Managing Without Him

Imagine if you could just eat a slice of bread and be instantly energised, happy, and fit. Wouldn’t that be amazing? We would do away with stress eating and comfort eating and be completely satisfied…

Just About Managing to Feed Myself

Honestly, I don’t know how I get through a day without falling apart. Perhaps it sounds a little dramatic, but I’m just so aware of my vulnerability. Each day I run at a bunch of goals, encounter a range of people, stress myself out over one anxiety or another, run to some sort of social and just about manage to feed myself.

Okay, there are a million joys too but we are all human. There’s always a few struggles. Some days are more hectic than others, but I’m sure you can relate; we all just about manage…

We have a huge material need and most of what we do is determined by this: what we eat, where we work, the hours we sleep, what we spend money on…

We get caught up in all of this and sometimes we can’t help but feel inadequate – because we are. This inadequacy isn’t just related to material needs either. We also fail at being emotionally happy and physically well.

Something Deeper than Material Need

“I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe. All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.” John 6:35-37

Jesus had just fed the 5,000 with five small loaves and two fish when He said this. The miracle was incredible and after everyone ate and was satisfied, twelve basketfuls of leftovers were collected! As you would imagine, the crowds were amazed and followed Jesus to where He went next.

However Jesus wanted the crowds to realise something that goes beyond the material realm. Jesus actually rebuked the crowd for following him because they were just seeking another material provision. He challenged the crowds to look for something much deeper – a ‘bread’ that provides for emotional, physical and spiritual needs. This ‘bread of life’ would grant eternal life and the one requirement was that they simply believed in Jesus as the Son of God.

Bread Falling From the Sky…

In the Jewish scriptures, there is a story about a prophet, Moses who leads God’s chosen people through the wilderness to the promised land. In this wilderness, God chose to provide for their needs by causing ‘manna’ to rain down from the sky. This manna was simply bread – yes, bread falling from the sky! It was enough to sustain them for another day walking through the wilderness. It reminded them of the promised land to come…

When Jesus came to earth, He used this as an example. Relating to this story, He taught the people about how God, the living Father, had sent him from heaven, to come to earth as the ‘bread of heaven.’ But the difference is that Jesus was more than a material provision that could only fill the stomach. Jesus came to welcome God’s beloved children into his arms, to sacrifice himself in order that we may be reconciled to him. In sending his son, God promised to never drive us away and to be our hope of a promised land to come.

Ultimately, Jesus came to give us eternal life!

His Arms Are Wide Open

When I read about this ‘bread of life’ in John 6, I just can’t stop picturing Jesus with his arms wide open! He asks us to come to him and rest in him! He can’t force us and this is why we must believe that from him come all good things – we must believe that He is God.

“Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up on the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me.” John 6:54-57

As christians we choose to live in Jesus – we choose to ‘remain’ in him. Jesus can provide all that we need in the material, emotional, physical and spiritual sense! We come to Jesus and find strength, dignity, love, value, purpose and the promise of treasure in heaven.

However that doesn’t mean that life is perfect. Often, to be honest, life is a mess.

So how can this all be true? How can we eat the ‘bread of life?’ Is it even real?

What on Earth does this Mean?

The thing is that Jesus himself, as the ‘bread of life,’ gave himself to be sacrificed on the cross. Jesus was God, embodied in a human form. He lived out God’s kingdom values of love, righteousness, peace… Because of this controversial way of living, He was rejected and despised. Jesus was killed on a cross. He suffered the worst death possible and his ‘blood’ is a symbol of this suffering.

When we talk about drinking Jesus’ blood, we are talking about the sufferings we face. When we find ourselves struggling, we can run to Jesus because He knows exactly what it is like. In him we find comfort, and He promises to strengthen us and not allow us to fall.

Despite our circumstances we can trust that He is good, He will strengthen us to face all things, and that we have God on our side; all that we need each day will be provided.

When we talk about ‘flesh.’ We are talking about what Jesus looks like in human form. We put our trust in Jesus and we try our best to live like He did. As we live like him, our relationships, our values, our desires change for the better.

I Flipping Need Jesus!

Lately, I have to truly rely on Jesus to be all that I need. I daily have to ask Jesus to provide all that I need – not just physically! Living out love, grace, truth, humility, righteousness is never easy in the simplest of circumstances, never mind when you’re having a tough time!

Without Jesus, I cannot cope.

I find myself daily needing to be strengthened in him, to be reminded that my life has purpose, and to be rooted and established in the love He has for me. It is so easy to look to friendships, relationships, material possessions, and educational success to affirm yourself.

But actually, we can only truly be satisfied in Jesus’ rich love for us.

Jesus has his arms wide open and all we need to do is believe that He can satisfy all our needs. He loves you so incredibly and He cares for you so, so deeply! Will you let him give you all that you could ever need?


Running Every Step

Run every step with purpose

Purpose is everything and one of my greatest life mottos was to run every step of the race with purpose. I’m not just talking stepping with meaning, but actively living.

I believe that I was created by a loving God who cares for me and desires me to live for him. As a runner, I know that God created me to run fast and use that to glorify him. I love running!

However, what happens when suddenly you can’t run anymore? How can you run purposefully when you’re faced with the possibility of never running again?

In August I was hit with injury. My training hit a level where I just wasn’t improving or getting faster. I would wake up in pain and go to sleep in pain. When I ran, I felt guilty for potentially making it worse, yet when I rested, I felt rubbish in myself. Reaching out for help felt scary and facing the prospect of never running again was something I just wanted to avoid…

6 weeks later, having been diagnosed with the issue and working hard on physio, I was still having pain. Whilst I’d taken up cycling and swimming, I had fully given up on running.

Three weeks ago I moved to university and the pain was getting worse, not better. Within the first few weeks I found myself at church asking for prayer. I was prayed for twice. The first time, the pain got a little bit better but days later started to get worse again. No result.

Later that week, I went to an evening meeting and the lady who prayed for me asked me how I was. Reluctantly I agreed to let her husband pray for me, although at this point I was pretty skeptical.

However, as Peter prayed over me, he started to speak truth. He spoke about how he believed that God had made me to run and that he wanted to bless me as I ran for him. God was not finished. Why was I giving up? By giving up I was giving this pain the authority to be there when Jesus had put that to death on a cross.

Another weird experience of having oil put on my head later…

The pain is pretty much gone. Whilst I still get the odd achey leg that comes from general use and exercise, the pain in my knees has gone! I’ve joined an athletics club, been training and even done a park run. How incredible is this?

Now, when I run, I am reminded of his faithfulness! For me, running has become a form of worship in which I glorify God. For he has blessed me so richly. In a time when I wanted to give up, Jesus pursued me.

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how good God is?! I’ve been praying for my leg for months. It wasn’t healed straight way in a swooping miraculous situation. Rather, as I trusted God and waited on him, he gradually turned the bad into good.

I still have a recovery ahead, but the progress has been crazy good! And in all of this, I can only glorify God!

Community Culture Vision Challenges Western Churches

The other day we were asked a challenging question, which lead to a community culture conversation: What was most responsible for the growth that you experienced overseas in Guinea?

Plot Twist

We had never thought about defining an overruling factor before. Of course, there have been umpteen challenges, growth points and stretching factors that we regularly highlight. But which had the most impact?

We found ourselves having a conversation as a team in front of our church audience that night, evaluating this question. The result? In a fashion, we each found ourselves approaching each other and naming one another responsible for our growth.

When we boarded an aeroplane in October, our families’ expectations were that we were flying the nest and becoming independent. Our western culture models independence as the ideal lifestyle, forgetting community culture. Yet little did we know that as we held hands on take off, prayed for a safe flight and left all things comfortable, we were about to become the most dependent we had ever been…


We depend on the body of Christ. Alone, we could not and would not have navigated a new culture, a wave of hardships and incredible joy. It was impossible. We left our familiarity but held onto each other, strengthening one another and running at God together in all that we did. We ate together, prayed together, worked together, read books together, studied God’s word together, worshipped together, lived under the same roof… One of our team values was “laugh together, cry together.”

Depending on each other was crucial.

Community Culture

Speaking of a new culture, the greatest change was switching from, “me,” to, “we.” In fact, when we claim to speak French, we can actually only conjugate the “nous” form! We never used, “I,” or “she,” throughout our six months. In Guinea you just don’t speak individually. Everything is about community. The things you do affect whole neighbourhoods and what you speak, you speak on behalf of your family or tribe. Community culture is quite literally the opposite of British lifestyle, where everyone thinks for themselves and actions don’t affect others.

The craziest thing is that we never questioned this. Somehow, we automatically switched into the community culture and it felt natural.

When we apply this to faith we see something greater. The Guinean church will never talk about, “my faith,” or say, “this is what I believe,” as we do in the west. Instead the church will always talk about, “our faith,” proclaiming, “this is what we believe!” Faith is not an individual belief or opinion. No, it’s a system of hearts coming together, abandoning certain individual values that misalign and pursuing the values and beliefs that Christ set, together.

This is the body of Christ that Apostle Paul talks about in the bible. This is a body of people from different backgrounds and tribes, coming together, to journey onwards. Prayer in Guinea is not individual either, but collective. Christians meet regularly (if not daily) to pray together and build one another up. They have not yet achieved the goal. At times tribal culture may cause disagreements but as a community they uplift this to God and make one kingdom decision together. In times of trouble, the body of Christ come alongside each other and depend upon one another for strength. Perhaps neither knows the answer but living alongside each other, they can try to move onwards as one.

What If?

Imagine if this was the vision of the western church today. Imagine if we lived together in a community culture – what would that look like? Would it be open doors, shared houses, a redefinition of the word, “family?” Perhaps we would scrap the “this is what I believe,” statements and move towards, “this is what the bible says we should believe and so let’s pursue it together.”

As a team this is something we are exploring together and are passionate about. Whilst we do not yet know the answers, we are eager to journey together and wait upon God to see just how and where He will use us to build his kingdom in this way. We don’t believe that there is space in the kingdom of heaven for lonely individuals or huge theological disagreements. In our advancing individualistic nation, it’s devastating to see division over what certain parts of the bible mean or how a church should “do church.”

For the church is not a group of individuals using the same theology to live their own lives. The church is a body of people who come together, believe in one God, lay down their own lives and move forwards together, as one multitude of kingdom builders. A body who hear the truth and share it. A community culture.

Eleanor ♥

Laying Down My Everything?

Do you ever feel like you’re not fully conscious? As if you’re living the longest dream, blinking, about to wake up and return to reality?


Everything at the moment seems incredibly surreal. I leave home in under 2 weeks to start a gap year with BMS World Mission. I have always known that I would do this however now that it’s happening, it looks and feels so different to what I had imagined a couple of years ago.

First of all, I’m going to live in Africa for 6 months – one of the poorest places in the world! It’s going to be such an adventure. But the closer I get, the more I have to come to terms with things, and the more I have to give up: family, friends, diet, communication, reliable electricity, toiletries, clothes, money, a years worth of appointments and dreams… Even the freedom to walk or run alone!

I am quite literally laying my everything down right now! I am surrendering so much to God – so many things that I have never surrendered to God. Yet I am fully confident that it will be worth it. He will protect me and give me joy!

Already I have built strong friendships with the others on my team. Already so many unexpected donations have come through. Already so much equipment has been sourced.

Most of all, I know now that I am about to step into the unknown: a new country; a new culture; a new world of political background; an unknown landscape. There are almost no photographs to look at, very few travel reviews and I don’t even know the exact location of my accommodation yet. I have absolutely no control over anything! Am I willing to accept that?

God wants me to take my biggest leap of faith yet. Literally! I know for sure that I want to say yes – to let go of all control is to allow God to show me that he really is in control of everything. Only one thing remains – God’s compassion.

BMS World Mission are an excellent organisation and they look after their workers so well. I know that God will be my protector and that this next year will bring the adventure of a life-time as I learn to rely on the one true God, whilst helping others at the same time.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine. He will keep me safe. He will go with me and He will allow me to have joy as I adventure further than I’ve ever been before!

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Galatians 3:9 so those who rely on faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.

Eleanor ♥

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