His crazy love has stolen my heart.
God is so faithful. He is forever. He is our saviour.
He is also our most intimate soulmate.
I want to share part of my latest journey on here with you. I believe there are lessons to learn in every season. The latest season was a beautiful one and I hope it encourages you to know just how loved you are.
I moved back to university in July (two months early), really believing that God was calling me to make the city my home. In January when I felt this nudge I had no idea what that looked like and pushed it to the back of my mind. In May I was offered a two month placement in the city working for an architectural firm and instantly I knew this was it.
July comes and I find myself starting work, with nowhere to live. Amazingly, it turned out that a couple at church were away and needing a dog sitter to stay up until my current house contract started. Perfect!
Starting a new job is one thing. Fast forward a week though, and I soon discovered that moving house, starting a new job and living alone is a struggle. I’d wake up, go to work, come home, unpack stuff, attempt to understand the world of bills, cook some food… It was hectic!
However, in all of it God was there and He kept speaking, ‘Be Still,’ and, ‘my timing is perfect.’
Things just happened. Work got easier. Bills started to come through. The house and broken hoover eventually (the hoover took 2.5 months… ) got put straight. Church family shared meals with me. My own family came to visit. Housemates would visit and bless me.
But I had to give up control. I had to surrender routine. Each of these things came in unexpected ways or forced me to change plans. If I had a night in planned, suddenly someone would just turn up and be there. At times plans would be cancelled and I’d end up fitting in a long run or a movie instead.
The greatest struggle was yet to come.
Initially there was a buzz of activity. Family would come to drop off stuff, bills kept me occupied and my best friend Zara came back to do life with me. However this all faded away. I got settled. Routine settled in again. Zara had to go back home for a bit…
For the first time in my life I was living completely on my own. Hello 97% extrovert problems! I’d wake up, go to work, come home at 4:30 and just be on my own. At weekends there wasn’t really anyone to hang out with. What the heck was I going to do? Obviously I was spending time with God but man, I needed people.
I got so sick of being on my own. It just wasn’t fun. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to chat. I had no-one to hug me and ask me how my day went as I walked through the door. All I wanted was to have a huge dance party but there was no-one to do that with.
In this time I realised just how insecure I was. Suddenly I couldn’t run to people for a quick fix of happiness or love.
That’s when I realised. God doesn’t want me to be alone. But he does want to be my first love and he was using this time to show me the beautiful friendship that we could have.
I remember sitting on the floor in my empty five bedroom house, just waiting and saying, ‘God will you just come and show me how deep our relationship can be.’
Did I have some huge revelation or dream? Nope. Instead a crazy stupid annoying song that I’ve always hated came into my mind and would not leave. Eventually I felt the Holy Spirit just nudge me and say, ‘put it on and listen to it…’
It took me five times of listening to finally let go and just dance to it. I can’t even explain how freeing this is and I just erupted in laughter and joy at how ridiculous yet beautiful this crazy moment was.
I could have dance parties with Jesus.
The following month was incredible. I surrendered it all. I stopped trying to book in ‘social time’ and just spent time with Jesus: listening to love songs, reading scripture, cooking with him, talking out loud with him, making coffee together, telling jokes, laughing. I can’t quite explain it but it was such a time of deepened relationship with God. And he started to speak his love back to me too.
You have captured my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your neck.
How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride. Your love is much better than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than all spices.Song of Songs 4:9-10
Like a Bride and Groom
God wants to be my husband, my best friend, my brother and my true love. As I started to pursue him only and draw back to him, he started to draw people in and out of my life in perfect timing.
Friends spontaneously came to stay, money was provided to visit one of the Guinea Girls, relationships at work deepened, church family invited me for dinner… I made no plans but each day someone would just be right there at the right time.
In all of it I encountered such a deep, unchanging, intimate love. My heart was so complete and no longer searching for people to share it with. I was sharing it with Jesus. At the end of everyday I would go to bed so secure, held in the arms of his wonderful embrace.
Fast-forward: Chaotic Crazy Relational Love
Now everyone’s moved in. The house is full and so is my heart. University is under way and to be honest it’s all a little chaotic. But still God is there. As I surrender my routines, my heart and my time He is faithful in orchestrating it all. If we rest in his unfailing, rich, wide love, he will bring the chaos back into a perfect order.
God loves you so incredibly and we fall in love with him in new ways every day. Let him come and be your one true love.
This week I’ve hugged Jesus on the early morning bus ride, we’ve run along the river together, we’ve laughed through crazy amounts of studio work, we’ve cried together about issues in this world. Together we hung out with friends and danced our socks off to Taylor Swift at home with the girls. Other times we’ve been alone just the two of us.
God’s love is not just a Fatherly love. It’s a relational, all encompassing love that is better than life! Ask him to take you deeper – and enjoy the adventure of discovery!