Does anyone ever struggle to make all of their passions compatible? Perhaps, as if each of your interests or desires are buckets of water filling and about to overflow. You dash to one just in time, to pour it down the sink but suddenly realise another is about to go, reaching it just in time.
I have always had a ridiculous amount of hobbies or interests. In all of them I genuinely find happiness. I love to paint and find it a space for reflection. For hours I can sit and create a detailed portrait. Photography and blogging has a similar effect.
Running and cycling excites me. Playing my violin is a skill I’ve been honing since 7 years old. Studying architecture is enriching. Guitar sessions are a regular pass time. Languages are my forte.
An old friend once remarked about how I reminded her of Repunzel in the film Tangled. At the beginning of the film she sings, “When Will My Life Begin,” ungratefully reeling off all these activities she does, whilst feeling so disappointed and unsatisfied. I don’t really know how to react to that comment… Its was harsh – but true.
When you have such a diverse range of interests it’s incredibly difficult to juggle them. Sometimes it’s even overwhelming. As life goes on I find I have to prioritise and choose much more. I don’t really read books anymore, I haven’t spoken Spanish in two years and my violin has been in it’s case for two weeks. My heart genuinely feels a little crushed to admit that – have the 13 years of learning been a waste?
I have recently had time to get the paints out again but I know that this will have to pass soon and regardless, I don’t paint as much as I used to.
My life is literally so full. Full of friendships, hobbies, interests, travels, stresses, joys… But none of this satisfies. Every day I struggle to balance the desires of my heart with the tug of this world. I get distracted by other things or just simply don’t have time to fit everything in. And my human, crazy ‘Repunzel’ heart just keeps yearning for more temporary happiness or worth.
But that’s just it. Nothing in this world can satisfy. No amount of stuff will ever make me feel worthy. It doesn’t matter how much I do, I will never feel good enough. No matter how much I clutch onto, I will always feel wasted.
Except there is one place where I feel fulfilled. There is one thing that satisfies. There is one expression that I could pour out forever, without wishing to move or give a half-hearted attention to.
Jesus is my one true love. In Jesus I have found eternal joy, different to the quick spurts of happiness that I find in other stuff. In Jesus I can rest assured knowing that all things are an expression of praise, for He made me with all of my passions. In Jesus I know that nothing is wasted. Seasons come and go. What I did is still worthy and never wasted when I have to give it up.
In Jesus I have a hope and future. Whenever I feel like I’m being pulled out and stretched across about fifty different corners, there is an inexplainable peace. This peace reminds me that eternity is before me. It reminds me that I have all that I could ever need and that I have great significance.
Jesus will never run dry or disappoint.
Nothing lasts forever. We can’t store up earthly treasures. But we can store up treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy.
I was given two beautiful years of studying art and Spanish. I may not do either now, but it was wonderful in its time and Jesus will bring joy in other areas. Who’s to say there won’t be another season of this in the future?
When God grants time to sit and paint, I sing! And when I don’t quite manage to get out on that bike ride, I count my blessings and trust that Jesus gives only what is best – sometimes that is rest or a day in the office.
But in all things, I continue to take captive every thought and feeling that sets itself up against the true joy in Jesus, and demolish all arguments that say I am worthless or a waste or simply without. I turn to Jesus – the only one who can truly satisfy. And here I sit, filled with eternal joy.
Run to Jesus. Let him pull out each of your gifts and desires as He so chooses. Remain in him, the way, the truth and the life. He came so that we may have life and have it to the full.
4 thoughts on “Struggle to Satisfy”
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Its ok I’ve put myself in your position . I did a random act of kindness after watching ” I’m not ashamed ” – its was a Christian movie whilst doing that I felt so blessed even though today has been a bit of a nightmare ! . I had these leaflet I got for my birthday . I brought it from eden.com.uk and it has really changed people . Yes I read the ucb word for today almost 24/ 7 or so . WOW I’m so religious . sorry for the late reply .Sometimes I’m scared speaking about God to be honest I’m just scared but no way I wont deny him! Are you anxious talking about our abba ? How about to your non – religious friends ? I’m finding it so hard to obey God . How are you ?
Hey Peace. Its so wonderful that you want to share Jesus with those around you and it’s really important! But never feel like you have to earn God’s love because he looks down on you smiling like a proud Father. And sometimes the best thing we can do is just live alongside people and bless them without using words. Words are brilliant but look at Jesus – he ate with people, he loved people and he enjoyed the company of his friends! Let your light shine and enjoy God’s friendship – he will bring the opportunities to share more about him. Pray for your friends too!
That’s good Eleanor . I was watching Tangled with my little sister and asking myself when will my life begin ? Jesus can do anything . I’m quite Religious and I love Jesus as well . Sometimes I think bad thoughts then later realise its Satan / Lucifer . Jams 4 : 7 then I do that . I’m lucky to be a Christian ! Gods timing , waiting is perfect . I thank God for almost adding a new year to my life . How are you ?
Hi Peace! Sorry it’s taken a while to reply to you. We all think bad thoughts – it’s part of being human! But Jesus gives so much grace and love. God’s timing is definitely perfect.