The Wrong Perception of Marriage

Today I want to talk about marriage. Is it because I have a lot of experience surrounding this? No. However, as a 17 year old, on-line girl, I find myself surrounded by a world of mass-marketing, that commercialises marriage. Especially, within the Christian community…


It doesn’t take long, whether you’re scrolling through Pinterest, looking through a new women’s devotional book, or just interacting with other Christians, for you to come across marriage. The idea of marriage is everywhere! There are hundreds of blogs offering information surrounding, “How to pray for your future Husband,” “Preparing for your first encounter with the one” and even, “Christian marriage goals.” What are we doing?! It’s as if today, there’s a great pressure on Christian girls to find the “one true man,” settle down, and live out a perfect marriage life before they even turn 21! I don’t know about you, but I haven’t even had a serious relationship yet and I certainly am not ready to start focusing my whole purpose upon a finding a husband…

I’m not saying that marriage is wrong, nor that early marriage shouldn’t exist – after all, if two people love each other, then they should be together. But what I am saying, is that our wider Christian community needs to refocus. Marriage is beautiful, and it’s God’s will that two people connect in such a loving way, and decide to spend their lives together. They start a family, and it pleases God. However, I don’t know about you, but recently, all I ever see, hear or find people talking about, is how we can be “obedient Christian girls,” and what our “dreams for a perfect married life,” will be. It’s as if we will only ever be complete, as Daughters of God, when we marry. It’s as if, we have this false perception – that somehow marriage will solve everything. That when we eventually meet the husband that God has destined for us, we will no longer have any pain, and that our journey with God will be ever greater…

It’s all so, so trivial! Why are we placing our identities in marriage? Why are we raising young girls to think that marriage will define them, and their lives… In fact, in Mark 12:18-27, a woman marries, and becomes a widow 7 times. When she eventually dies, the people begin to question her identity – who’s husband is she? They put limits on her identity. But Jesus reminds them, that actually, in heaven, we will not belong to anyone else but God. Our identity will be in the glory of Christ – we will be holy, and joyful like the angels!

But this applies to now too. Eternal life starts today – right now, it’s time to start putting our identity in Christ. Not in marriage goals, and not in the limits of what our little wisdom determines as a perfect marriage. This world is full of people who place their identities in the wrong things – many of us, fall into this sad mindset that a relationship, husband, or even career path is our one true purpose… No! You are more than conquerors in Christ! 

Again, I’m not saying that we should not marry! I look forward to one day meeting someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with, but rather, at the age of 17, I appeal to you all – stop placing your heart and dreams in marriage! From what I do know, marriage doesn’t solve everything, and a lot of the time, it’s just basic living. I can wait however long I need to wait. I don’t need to learn exactly how to pray for my future husband. I don’t need to read a devotional book about marriage goals. And I definitely do not need to seek my “one true guy.”

As cheesy as it sounds, we should be making Jesus our one true guy – not following this craze of husband idolisation. Christ is our identity and self-worth. Once we realise this, and stop seeking elsewhere, I firmly believe that we will find whatever we are looking for (whether a relationship or just a solution to a problem) as we live with contentment, with the God of the living.

So please, don’t let yourself be defined by anything but Christ. Step into life – you’ll be married one day and that’s great. But never, let anyone else determine who you are, and who you are supposed to be. Likewise, stop waiting for young girls in church to bring husbands home.

Anyone else feel like this?

Eleanor ♥






Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *